Fairytale

Who'd have thought U'd care SOOO muCH? Who'd have thought U would just drop everything for me? WHo'd have thought U wouldn't do any of the above? Me. I know... I knew... it was a big mistake. I shouldn't have chosen to go back... I thought things infatuation was strong enough unfortunately.. it's not... the lack of commitment is definately creating false security that's why it breaks down so easily... US... You act like you don't care... when I start to care... when I don't care... u start to care a lot... wHy can't we be on the same level? Why can't we be in unison? WHy can't things work out? I know... because we are too different. "opposites attract" that's a joke. It doesn't work.... it creates many conflicts and confusions. I don't know what to say aobut u... I just want to say... i will miss you... even though I chose this pathway... but u never did anything to stop me either. You encouraged it... and I hate you for that.

Hmmm things worked out fine for us. I talked out my feelings and I felt soo burden free. I feel so happ y now~ U noe I was reading back to my previous entries and I realized for the past relationships I've always counted down and questioned myself. But for this one it's different. I'm not doubting my heart nor am I counting down to the day of break up.This is good. Things happy and satisfying.... regardless of the time spent factor.... coz we hardly get to see each other =(... but I'm suure it'll be fine..

Me and My boyfriend we are like two different people. He's like one of those typical "bad boys" while ima one of those "goody goodys." Things are so complicated right now. We can hardly see each other and that's coz he got his license suspended again... and his car taken away. He refuses to take the bus... but he does, from time to time, steal his dad's car to come out and see me. He is technically my first boyfriend and our one month is coming up. It means a lot to me... however it pisses me off how he makes plans with his friends to go ATVING... instead of thinkin about hanging out with me... He really is inconsiderate. I really get pissed of at him a lot these couple days. It makes me really sad how when we can hang out im out with my friends and I hafta ditch my friends in order to hang out with him... now i understand what my friend said about our differences... that's what makes this relationship soo hard... I feel like giving up... I really do.. But at the same time I like him a lot... I don't know what to do... I mean I could talk to him about it.. but I don't want to have to influence him to change plans... and recently i changed my cell plan for him... so we can chat more.. it's soo damn expensive... Iuno man.. Iuno wat to do.. Ahhh soo frustrated!!

Me and him... I thought it would never be.. until lately... we've gotten quite close. He kinda brushed me off when he first broke up with his girlfriend... but now... we talk a lot... I don't know what's up with hinm... because a couple times wen we were talking he would always say something like he doesnt want a gf.. and try passing me off to someone else.. however.. lately.. we talk a lot on the phone and stuffs... unfortunately he lives quite far away... that's why we can't really hang much unless he gets a ride... I don't know.. what's going on.. but perhaps.. that's good coz no disappointment can come of it... I hope I don't go way over my head and start fantasizing about an impossible relationship... I don't know what to expect.. what to do with this.. I don't know what he feels... I'm just confused?

Lately I have been back to my previous crush coz he doesnt have a gf any more.. But he's been hinting that he's not lookin for a gf. However.. he keeps giving me those flirty signals. It's really weird. I did start liking him... but after what he did a couple days ago I was so pissed off that I decided to get over him... IF u don't like someone... dont go trying to push them towards ur friend.. and acting like you're finding them a bf.... I mean like yea...I told him straight up that if he wants to push me around don't bother I can do it myself.. and he starts apologizing... it's like wtf... god.. I dun like him any more... I don't like how he deals with things.... I just don't know

Do people actually marry for love? Do love last even after people have been married for years? How do you know when you like someone? Do people always like each otheR? Is it sexual things that people do that keeps them together? I don't get it.... I recall in elementry and the first couple years of high school, I used to be able to Identify my "love" for someone easily. I used to be able to call out I like you easily when I like someone... is it because none of those worked out so I'm scarred? I knew that there were two people that I can actually use the word "Love" on except for it didnt really work out. What's the difference between a CLOSE guy friend and a boy friend? I mean.. with a guy friend you can feel all that comfort and stuff... but with a bf. they mite get disrespectful and stuffs... but then.. iuno.. there's this guy friend of mine and i really like him.. not in that romantic way.. but like I can tell him ANYTHING. We're like sooooo close. We've known each other since grade 1 and although we weren't best friends then however in high school we became best buds. So with this going on.. does that mean I can go out with him? I think that's the kind of guy I'd marry coz he's got no temper or anything...he's soo sweet and nice and cute. So is it ok to actually marry him? without any of those sexual or lovey-dovey kinda feel???

In the series "Friends"there's this little screwed up romance between Rachel and Ross. WEll that's kind of what's happening to me. My ex.. from gr.10 or so is back at the whole thing with me again.. but the thing is he broke it off with one of my friends a while ago. I really don't feel comfortable with it all. It's funny... how things are working out to be. We went to camp during the victoria day weekend with my friends.. I think I should have kept my distance from him at camp. Yeah.. everyone was clinging on to everyone else at camp.. so it was kinda catchy... plus.. he looked so hot with his shirt off. Great Body... but that's all. I can't really have much of a convo with him. .. I dunno wat to do now... we're too close... TOO TOO Close.

"Life isn't fair. You can't always have it your way." - most people probably would give me this advice now. Well most of my friends did. However, I still feel bad.. Yeah it's regarding the same guy. We had a "date" today... coz my computer is kinda slow so he said he would help wipe out the whole system and help me re-install everything. BUt, he did not show up. THis is probably because I told him I wouldn't date him... and he's just a friend (paraphrased).. so he doesn't have to try to do things for me any more. Yeah... I kinda feel bad.. how come rejecting someone makes them turn away from you? Yeah sure it's embarrassing for them mayb.. but then you needn't be soo blunt about things... this is the part I hate most about "friendships-relationship s".... why's it sooo hard to get a girl and a guy to be friends rather than gfs and bfs?? Mayb it's in human nature that opposite sexs attract one another... but still... it's like we don't even know each other... prob.. blocked me too.. but I was true to my feelings.. and I don't know... I know I should be proud of that... but I'm still quite down ------------------------- ---- Also it's his bday tmr... shuld I still treat him as if we're fwnds? How shuld I say it?? Thru fone msg..? Msn? Email? Ecard?? man soo confusing.. he's really a nice guy and rly wise.. so i dunt get why he doesnt see that we can b fwnds?

Guys probably do things for you because they like you. If I ever find one that does things for me because they want to not just because they like me I'd be so happy. There's this guy that likes me. He helps me out a lot.. through helping me download stuffs to helping me with my computer. He helps me with my howework too. I really do appreciate it. I truly do. But sometimes I shunt him because he makes his like too obvious.. he says stuffs that you say to gfs.. but I'm not.. and I don't like him. However.. I told him that today and he's really sweet about it.. and I feel really bad now.... I can't get over the fact that I'm a horrible person. I feel like a user... he said to me "may love and happiness b the two angels that follow u forever, and hope you'll find your tru love soon." I'm truly touched.. but I don't like him.. what's wrong with me.. he's sucha nice guy. I think this will b our last convo... I'll definately miss him.. but.. I still wish we could have been friends?... It's cruel to him tho... but if he gets over it.. we'll b able to?? ..

Gonna write this down so I can forget about it and move on. SO apparently, my crush was really obvious. Coz when i went to work the other day, my boss said to me "You know matt has a gf" and i was like "so..." and he's like "oh just saying how horrible he is. He is very dangerous guy." and matt comes in saying what.. that's not tru and stuffs.. haha and then the boss goes like "yeah, well then why'd u ask her (me) out late at nite then?" matt says, "you know just as friends." I was a bit embarrassed at the moment, but I didn't feel bad. I don't thinK I was at all disappointed with the fact that he has a gf nor was I like "I wanna go home and cry." In fact, I wasn't at all embarrased about the fact that the boss said something like that to me.. however I do wish I'd said it better than a "so.." I feel stupid now... finding all these excuses to see him. Perhaps that gave it away? Well whatever it is...it doesn't matter. Because I'm content with the fact that I didn't fall too deep for him. I often question myself when my "love" for someone is gonna kick in and last longer than a week? hmm iuno... but somehow.. most of them don't last longer than a few weeks. I find it the older you get the harder it is to like someone. Perhaps you are not easily infatuated. Yeah.. I thought matt was cute.. but did I really know him well enough to "like like" him.... probably not. I took the time to think it over before and I thought to myself.. if we do ever talk .. or hang out... what kinda convos will we haf? and I can't imagine myself involved with an actual sensible conversation with him. I dunno.. I guess it's just hard to lik e someone... to truly like love w/e them for who they are.. I guess I am a bit bummed with the fact that he has a gf.. and that the fact I was a bit embarrassed... but other than that.. no big deal.. plus next week totally gonna haf a lotta fun. Party~~... then camp... It's gonna b sooo much FUn! just wish I didn't have tests rite after..*sigh.. * I know I'll have a blast tho! Until then.... I gotta study study study!

It's really weird. There's this guy that likes me... and he's done a lot for me. However, I do not like him... often I find him quite annoying... We barely got to know each other and he told me he likes me. At first, I didn't mind talking to him, but after a while..I just started to feel awkward.. I don't know, I just don't want to hang out with him. Everybody at work teases me about him now. IT's soo embarrassing especially when the guy you like is there too. They keep questioning me and stuffs.. and I DON'T like him... argh.. I dunno how to make it any more obvious. I told him straight up once when he asked me. I just don't feel very comfortable at the thought of hanging out with him. Supposedly he offered to help me fix my computer, but I don't feel comfortable with him coming over. Sure, I'll probably get pplz over then too. But still...... I dunno. SHuldn't I be touched with all that he's done for me? But I don't feel it. I dun feel like accepting his kindness... often times I'd turn them down. I guess.. I just don't like the fact how he just says he likes me and expects me to like him too. I just don't like it how the way he treats me and talks to me as if we're going out. Everything he says has something to do with liking me... I don't want him to like me..... I don't like him. I snapped at him the other day when he kept on demanding why I didn't reply him when he msged me and all that. I finally snapped and said, "I'm busy with school and all. I dun get why you're all upset.. afterall we're not going out or anything" That's a lie... I noe why he's upset.. but I dun like being questioned when I have the freedom to do whatever I want. That's probably the partial reason why I don't want a Boyfriend... they are soo annoying Somtimes. However.... just the thought of him sometimes makes me feel uneasy. I can't treat him as a normal friend because he doesn't talk to me like one. I dun like those "lovey-dovey" talks....... It's weird.. when you don't like someone and they keep pushing it... it makes you really annoyed.... and I dun think the "friendship" will last long either. Coz guys usually do things for girls coz they like them or something.. so once they don't like them they wouldn't go out of their way to do things. It's normal. Matt called me today~ I'm soo happy,... but he keeps mentioning that guy.. and im like wtf.. he's like well yeah his n.n. is always like "hi mocha, im cap. is it u?" im like.. "why'd it be me?"... soo weird. argh.. so annoying... and the boss keeps teasing me about that guy... I mean come on.. yeah I noe age isnt an issue.. but being a kid rite now I dun wish to haf a guy who's like 8 yrs older than me for a bf.. I'd rather haf a 21yr old..... hehe.. Onli if.. but yeah.. I doubt it.. we hardly hang out.. soo I doubt we'd go out.. but still... I really enjoy my work place.. full of hotties.. but some abusive hotties too.. always giving me bruises on my arms.. but nonetheless.. hotties. But yea.. I just wanna be as free as a bird.. just do what ever I want WHenever I want. So.. Leave Me Alone..

"喜欢一个人真的很 容易，但是爱一个� ��非常难。" Someone said to me once. I think it's probably true. I was talking with a good friend the other time and they said, "It's really hard to find someone and half the time people marry each other not out of love, but out of sense of belonging." I did not quite understand that. BUt in some ways it makes sense, now. I have to admit that I really Don't know what is love. Everytime when you think it's stable.. I have to go and question.. "Do I really Like them?" the truth is.. half the time.. or so far.. "No." I think most of the time it's "infatuation." I mean, a while ago I was so into this guy from work, but now it's like "oh, cool it's him"... I know that was a little crush and eventually it'll fade. I know that we're too diff. to be together. and It'd be a bad idea to even consider going out with him... but I can't help liking him... or "liked" I have been thinking, What is Love? How'd I know if I love someone? So far, the bfs I've had it's like nothing... I end it when it gets too serious... am I afraid of commitment? I guess... but more than that... I look for that "fluttery feeling" in the pit of my stomach when I see them or my heart "skipping a beat" when I see them. If I Kiss them, I'd want a "breath" taking one.. But.. No.. It's not how it is. I never felt that... I felt the "skip a heartbeat" feeling with one of my exs.. but it's different... it went away when we went out... If I can't like someone or keep that feeling.. then How'd I know if I really like theM? Maybe... I'm not cut out to date pplZ? I think I shuld prob. Die as an Old Maid. It's Soo hard to "love" and stay in "love" with someone.. mayb it's the sense of getting used to that person being there that's why pplz marry each other.. not out of love but out of comfort. I don't know.. I just Don't Know.

Lately, been pretty confused. I know what I want. But I can't seem to get it or rather, trying not to think about it.. hoping that feeling will drown itself out. How can u fall for someone u just met once? Weird eH? I probably should have taken up the offer of a drink with him... but i didn't. We probably would have became great friends.. but not now...turns out last week he was only subbing in for that other guy whom i was supposed to work with. I wish I could work with him again.. he's soo much fun~ I guess girls just like what they can't have. I keep on trying to think of a way to meet up with him just once. Maybe walk over to get the boss to be my reference dude during his shift... maybe go to work earlier (like I'm supposed to) and perhaps catch him in btw shifts? But... then again.. if we can't even meet... and havta meet by forcing myself to create these meeting chances, then I dun see a point......

Friday, I went to work after not wanting to work for two straight weeks. I saw the guy who I'm Supposed to work with and he was CUTE! Wow.. I didn't know he would be working with me; it's probably because the other girl had to go on a vacation.. i hope she doesn't come back for a while... hehe.. but yeah... Iuno.. he asked to go grab a drink with him.. but It was really late.. esp the nite b4 i practically pulled an all nighter...so i turned him down.. He was like "aww come on.. it's a friday nite.." I'm like, "dude.. i barely know you.. wat if you get all drunk and stuffs.." He's like... "No way, i gotta go to Calgary tmr so I won't.. come..wat's the other reason besides having to sleep?" I was thinking.. hard... and then I'm like.. "I dunno u?" haha and he was like "ok.. John(boss) you gotta put me on the same shift as her more oft. that's the only way i'll be able to get to know her!" I was like laughing sooo hard.. it's funny.. but then I think he has a girlfriend... damn.. well there's this girl who dropped by and gave him a drink.. that's gotta be his gf.... he asked me if i had a bf.. damn.. shuld have taken dat opportunity and asked him... he's cute hehe.. but prob.. won't have a chance? Well.. i shuldn't at all.... nope.. i dun want a bf riiite now... sooo lalala

So I did it. I said it. I lied.. but I did it. I'm sorry, but I do not regret it. I do regret not being able to have someone be there for me....I do regret.. losing a potential good friend... Other than that.. I do not regret my choice. Kinda contridicted myself I noe.. but O well.... The truth is... I DOn't think I liked him enough to continue... so I didn't want this to go any deeper... It'd be easier now than later on... so he said... "take care" Yes I will Thank you for giving me what I want.. you've always went along with how i wanted things for the most part... Thanks... I really understand now what a NICE guy is like. Sometimes I wonder... What is Love? If divorce exists then how'd you know u met the rite one? How would you know if anything is tru?? When you fall in love, does it really feel that great? mayb i can say this because i've never haf.. but... I dun understand.... Is it responsibilities? Comfort..? Impulse? wat is it?? I dun get it...

Is it wrong to not like someone and have that person like me? Is it wrong to not tell them off? Is it wrong to not like them? Is it wrong to carry on without knowing what I want? Is it wrong to go out with someone you dunno if u like? Only fear of losing him forced ur decision? Is it wrong not to tell ur bf that som guy is after u? Is it wrong? It seems all wrong.

"It's a collection rather than a depletion"... I think this time... it may be tru... certainly it's not the counting down even any more... rather it's the chain of events that we go through sometimes.. I just don't feel like talkin to him... sometimes I feel that he doesn't understand or care to listen.. but often times.. i feel that he's the one speeling his probs. out .. what about me? hmmm Iuno... he's really honest tho.. i like that.. my fwnds approve of him too.. iuno... but..... i dun feel that i like him... i feel that im just puttin up an image of a gf for pplz to see... i feel that i dunno what i want.... mayb i just don't wanna step out of the comfort of hafin someone there for me that's why i'm carrying it on.. i certainly don't have any of that butterfly feeling.. soo weird... and there's this other guy he's rly nice too but hmmm iuno i dun think i'd like him... wellhe's rly qt.. but hmm 8yrs diff. .is a lot..

This is a story about a girl and a boy. They met online. They started to message each other a lot... and eventually the boy asked the girl for her number. They really enjoyed talking to each other.. gradually that daily call became a necessity. Hearing each others voice became inevitable. They met up once during a study period. Things went pretty well and the boy paid a lot of attention to the girl... but the girl thought the boy moved too fast. He hugged her and held her hands... but she did not refuse. So does that mean she really thought he moved too fast or did she actually wanted it? Somehow, the beginning is always the sweetest. The beginning is where the curiosity lies. Perhaps.. they never got to know each other all that well that's why it feels that the talk.. is different.. and it's gone.. Today, they went for the "official" title of a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. Somehow... the girl feels that if she didnt agree to it.. he might vanish.. altho she does not love love him, but she still cares about him and does not wish for him to disappear. She agreed to something that she cannot tell whether she made the right decision or not. She does not feel physically attracted to him at all.. when he kisses her, she only returns it as an act of curtesy, but.... did she really feel it? the tingly feeling that you shuld have for someone that you like. I dunno... whether she could actually feel it or not.... but I hope she made the right choice. I wish that she did not make a bad choice... I hope and wish her the bestest of luck for the future. Maybe... just maybe.. you don't need "love Love" to start off a relationship...... since she's too young to know it... the feeling... I don't think she's in the stage where she knows these things.. however.. i hope she did not move too fast.. and did not make a decision irrationally. .. I wish you the best of luck on your choice.... however.. if you ever need a friend to back you up, you know where to find her.

Today, I finally met him in person. He said he wasn't all that great looking and his dp was diff. from his actual self... so I was a bit scared.... but... he's actually not that bad looking. He doesn't look as hot as in the DP, but... I'm not disappointed.. I Actually find him quite nice. Tho... I dun rly wanna go out... and hmmm he's cute. I dunno.. I think he's actually rather better lookin from his side view... haha.. anyways.. yea.. we'll c how things will work out to.. haha

I wish I could actually stick to my promises to myself.. unfortunately Right now, it's not working. I met someone online, and he's totally cute..... but yea.. it could b a fake pic eH? but I think it's pretty real... Nyways... hmmm Can u actually like someone b4 meeting theM in real life? What if we meet up and I get disappointed? What if there's no convo btw us? hmmm.. Iuno.. kinda don't want to meet up just coz of the consequences... Also.. I think he's shorter than me... I hope not by a LoT.. but then again I shouldn't be soo shallow eH?

Last week, during volunteer I had to go to the washroom really badly but there were too many other pplz' using it, So I had to hold it in until the end of my shift. So I got a ride from my ex. after volunteer since he volunteers at the same place as me. He started to go over those speedbumps really fast... and braking ever so often just to see me squirm. So today at school, he goes and blabs it to others saying I probably peed in my pants yada yada yada.... what a retard.. and he goes and says how yea.. she used to love me driving fast... blah blah blah.... OK dude. I never liked you driving fast F*cktard... Like seriously... wat an @$$ I mean those kinda stuffs u keep to urself... and U don't go around blabbing about kissing pplz either.....sucha retard.... Man I shuld have been more wise in choosing guys.... I'm soo stupid..

I'm proud to introduce the new and improved MOI!

Yeah, I did fine on my midterms and all, but I could have done better and with a couple more hours of sleep would have helped with being more careful during the exams. But Oh well, at least I can make it up sooner or later. Well actually Sooner !~~

I've finally caught up with my old habit of non-procrastinated me. I'm trying to do most of my hw, studying, proj, etc. ahead of time instead of cramming it on the last day. So far, it's been allowing me to get extra hours of sleep, which I am very grateful. I think I might actually do well now! Gonna work hard!!!

Everything is Ok Now. I'm completely over him and he's most likely over me since we can actually get a convo going. It's rather fun being friends rather than girlfriend boyfriend relationship. Being friends allows more access to others haha jkjk.. well what I intend for it to mean is that flirting will not be taken as a harsh offence. I guess... haha Sooo that's the end of the chapter for my previous one!!~ hehe soo glad.... phew relationships are soo annoying....

Man.. eyebags HUGE eyebags.. I seriously need some sleep......well extra couple hours of it since I've been playing mainly over the break... god ... homework....what is that? haha last minute cramming..... looks like ima gonna fail my upcoming test! or Test(s).......aiiiiiii what a Wise Person I am eh??.... Although I promised myself no more fooling around.. but from the looks of things.. it's not going that well....

He doesn't care.... Obviously not wishing to talk to me.... avoiding me.... I really wanna b friends.. Today in I had the sudden urge to run up to him and hug him... BUt unfortunately i couldnt... got an image to live up to. When he drove by me tmr he totally ignored me.... even my friend noticed.. And of course i ignored him as well.. well not exactly ignore just not take particular notice of his presence. I saw him glancing at me today and I gotta say i looked pretty hot today.... so perhaps he did.... but still... ahhh.. im so frustrated I dunno why.. WHo cares about him! He has access to my garage.. and my roommates are soo pissed off... told me to tell him to decode it from his car...but how can i open my mouth to tell him that... ahhhhhhhhhhhh Im soo glad to have this blog.. helps me sort out my thoughts. IT may not make much sense to others but after re-reading my thoughts i come down to concluding that I do care about him... but not in the "love way" it's more of a "wishing he'll love me again" feeling bcoz that's the best feeling..... sooo selfish.... i noe...but come on.. cut me some slack! I wish he'll start talkin again.. that's all i want for christmas!

I shoudn't have talked to him first. You're right....It does seem like I was dumped instead of the otherway around.... But I just felt that since we're friends, why not just make this less awkward..... But no...I was stupid... not realizing that I was ignored...........But sometimes...I notice when he sits next to me he'd sit up straight all of a sudden......mayb i am over analyzing this...but it felt like something....i felt special it felt like i was the most important person in your life....mayb i'm not completely over you.....mayb i was caught up in the heat of the moment saying what i said...but i do not regret....I cannot regret.....bcoz u did no respect me... respect my views.....my feelings.......You (K) b4 I said yes..... You did things you promised you wouldn't .......You're pretty cute.......but i can't like you....................I wish we could have gone back....to being friends and stayed friends because i knew i shouldn't have gone out with you.... aftergoing out...our friendship is ruined regardless of the promises you made....... Why is it soo easy for someone to forget you... or at least seem like they've gotten over you when it was them who fell soo deeply in the the first place?  HOw can you not care all of a suddeN? WHy am i saying dis?? mayb coz nobody knows me here.....here i can express my oppinions without worrying about whether pplz will read this and stare me down..... Mayb bcoz here........none of his fwnds will find it.......... But Cherry get over it.. seriously.....get over him.....it was only a short period...people's have gone through much harsher breakups and such.. and first of all you broke up with him so get over it. .... Offering friendhship that's great at least you did your part....if he takes it that's great if he doesn't then it's his prob....not urs coz u cant influence his decision not any more.... No more Rides...no more calls.....No more u................... but did you really care about the "u" ? ......Or was it the feeling of having someone there for you all the time? ......Was it because all ur fwnds have a "him" and u just wanted to fit in................even if it is.......get over it.......even if it isnt still get over it.........he's not your cup of tea hahaha sucha lame phrase.....old school man..............

 

You were once the most important person in my life....now you're gone....... seems like you can give in pretty fast....... seem like you drilled me into saying breakup .......it seemed like bcoz you wanted to keep your promise about liking me to the end that's why u made me say "lets breakUP" but w/e it is............. I hafta let go.............. get over this...... avoid you if i hafta................. but i dun feel like avoiding you bcoz then it seems like 小气and i wouldn't want that to happen. .... I  hafta b able to

"那的起，放的下。 "

 

Tucking away this fairytale.....................because it did not have the "happily ever after" that i was looking for.................. time to search for another fairytale to exploit!